Life’s Interventions


Well, I tried — Pat and I finally tried having a pool lesson. With E along as the “femme fatale.”

…Except the three of us just ended up sitting in a corner and sampling the whiskey and never even went over to the damn table.

I’ve asked Pat for another real lesson at some point. He insists that perhaps trying at a place that is not a bar may be prudent.

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The past couple weeks ended up being my cat’s last. It was right to stop and just be with him, at the end.

It’s just as right to now be getting ready to turn back towards life, so I’m back in this. And one of the things I may be doing soon is getting going on the t-shirt quilt pillow sham.

My biggest instinct now, firstly, is to do a massive clean of the whole apartment — my roommate earned canonization by starting me off (she cleaned the entire living room the day after he died, partly to just do something helpful and partly because she says she generally does a massive clean before her grad school semesters start anyway), and I’m going to be doing a lot of haul-stuff-out-of-closets-and-figure-out-where-they-can-go-instead over the next few days. Including — finally setting up a storage system for all of my yarn, and all of the other random craft crap I’ve picked up.

So really, there’s no excuse any more for me to not finally just cut down the t-shirts I’m using so that is at least started. Then I’ll only have a few squares of fabric staring me in the face waiting to find a sewing machine, rather than entire t-shirts.

Unless, you know, my roommate happens to magically produce a sewing machine with her Miraculous Fairy Wand or whatever she seems to have. But something tells me to look elsewhere first.

So this coming Sunday, I had a reservation for a car to take myself out to Long Island and finally see the damn Perseids. I made it about a month ago.

Last night, I cancelled it. My cat is just too ill — it’s possible that Sunday or Monday, I may need to have the vet come to help him let go — and I don’t want to leave him if that’s the case.

It’s another delay. But, the Perseids will be back next year. My cat won’t.

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans. –John Lennon

Astute readers (all…what, two of you?) probably have noticed I haven’t said much in here in the past couple days. This isn’t because I’ve stopped the pursuit of the life list, though; it’s just a pause.

There are times when to pursue the goals, but there are times when responsibilities and life itself takes precedence. In my case, hospice care for a beloved cat is the priority now; providing care and affection through the last days of a long life. And there are rewards here, to be sure; all the Perseids streaking through my apartment couldn’t compare to the gratitude I felt the other night when he tried to feebly climb up on the couch with me, to curl up in his usual spot in the crooks of my knees, for what could be the last time ever.

The list is there; the world’s out there and it’s not going anywhere. The list will give me something to do after he’s gone. The last time I was affected by death, I was comforted by my then-boyfriend who advised me to “turn your face towards life when you can”, and he’s right. The list is the way I am going to move towards that. But for now, life itself is the priority, and staying put in it. There are still small things I can do – I can continue reading another of those 1001 books, or cut up one of the t-shirts while he sleeps — but it may also be better to just sit with a little dying cat as he naps with me, and let the pursuit of the goals go by for a while. Because if you’re too busy chasing things, you don’t get to see what things look like as you’re running through them — and there’s good to be found there too.

Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you’ll miss it. –Ferris Bueller